He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
