if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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