Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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