my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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