The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
