Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
