I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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