YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
