He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
