what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
