as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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