Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize