I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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