Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
