The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
