uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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