I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
