already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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