my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
