You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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