Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
