she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize