I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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