Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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