I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
