totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
