Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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