THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
