I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
