Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
