brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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