Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
