Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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