wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
