I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
