i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize