hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
