Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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