That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
