I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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