Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
