So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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