I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
wanna go halves on a baby?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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