so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
