I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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