Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
