All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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