I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
