does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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