Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
