i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
