I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
