Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
