ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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