i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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