My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
