JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
