i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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