life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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