He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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