Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
