she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
