nutella sex= disaster
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
