Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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