True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How does one acquire holy water?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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