yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize