HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
