i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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