Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
