I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
