Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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