Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
