Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
