If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
