When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
