We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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