Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
