you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
