look no pants
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
