...so i touched it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
