you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
