I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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