we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize