I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
